Accomodations vs. Exclusion

Sharon left a comment on this earlier post. This is her reply:

It's a double edge sword. It's great that AMC is accommodating.

But it sucks that we have to go to a "special" time because most people don't understand and are not willing to accept.

I think what she says is so true. I was hesitant to comment that my initial reaction about these "special move showings" was very mixed. I too think it's nice when businesses (as well as schools!) make accommodations, and this is no exception. There is a theater about 40 minutes away who also offers such showings. We've never gone, because of the drive. Also, for now, the 2-3 times per year we go to the movies, things have gone fine. I was startled reading this article, as my child has gotten up and danced around, jumped, scooted up and down the steps. So far, and I guess we are lucky, no one has complained. We try to go to shows that are less crowded, prepare my daughter ahead of time, and always have an aisle seat.

I suppose if my child were kicked out of a movie, I would drive the extra distance to the special showing. However, at the same time, I think I would take extreme issue with the theater. I would certainly let my views heard, to say the least. I have been in the movie with a baby crying (and not just for a second, I mean repeated crying, and this was in an R-rated movie). We all see the obvious "turn off your cell phones!" messages on the big screen--and yet, phones ringing is still an issue. Plenty of adults are annoying in the theater--critiquing each part or just talking aloud. In every children's movie I have gone to see, there's always been at least a couple of children speaking or whispering, laughing louder and longer, etc. The point is--whatever movie you are seeing, chances are there will be some distraction. You are in public, people. What do you expect?

It would be nice if the public wouldn't simply point at our children and say their behavior is unacceptable. It's a double-standard. If you truly cannot sit in a public theater and put up with some noise or distraction, then I suggest you stay home and rent a movie. The same goes for you if you are at a family restaurant (I'm talking about say Chili's, Friday's, etc. not Tavern On the Green!) and a child is "annoying" you. Stay home! If you go out into public, you must be tolerant of others, plain and simple.

One the flip side of that, I do appreciate special accommodations. My child happens to do fairly well in theaters, but I can see the benefit of lower sound, altered lighting, and no trailers. I can see this as being the only way for some families to attend the movies together. There is something to be said about being in a comfortable environment, where everyone understands your child. I know that when we get together with families from my daughter's special ed class, it seems to be an easier, more relaxed time. None of us need to explain or feel judged if our child behaves a certain way. No one stares if our child stims or has a meltdown. We've all "been there, done that." It is so nice to be with a group that you can relate to, and who relates to you. It feels safe, and I suspect our children feel the same way.

It would be nice if our children would all be accepted, and society would be more tolerant. I think, as messages like this come into the mainstream, we will get closer to that. For now, it seems like a nearly unattainable Utopia, and as such, our only option may be separate programs (in some cases) for our children. I do push strongly for inclusion, no doubt. But, I do see a place for special accommodations--even if that may mean exclusion some of the time.

Their own day at the movies...

By Karen Nitkin |Special To The Sun

It all started because Meaghan Ross wanted to dance.

Last summer, Meaghan's mother, Marianne Ross, took her to see the movie Hairspray. Because Meaghan has autism, and Marianne knows she can get excited during movies, she chose an early-in-the-day showing, when the theater would be nearly empty.

During the show, the Elkridge 8-year-old was so enchanted by the upbeat music and energetic dancing that she began to move her body. She wanted to dance in the aisles, but instead she was asked to leave the theater, her mother said.

"She got kicked out because she can't really sit still," said Ross. "She flaps her hands and gets really excited. ... I was just so upset when she was kicked out. She was just the picture of pure joy."

Pure joy--that's often how I describe my daughter in those moments. Those times when she is dancing, jumping, flapping, and giggling. I'd never think my child would get in trouble for being happy. Go figure.

Meaghan's mom was amazed that the AMC general manager agreed to her request: create a showing just for children with special needs. The first movie had 300 people in attendance, and they've had them monthly since November. The movies are at 9:30 in the morning, there are no trailers, and special care is taken with regard to the sound and lighting. AMC is considering adding this to other markets. I've heard of similar programs at other theaters. I think many of us can relate to what these parents have to say:

"It's just ... everybody understands," said Ross. Before the show starts, the lights are adjusted until "everybody is satisfied," she said. The sound is likewise adjusted, and during the movie, people often move around or talk. "Anything goes," she said. "We're all in the same boat."

"The world is so cruel to people who are different," said Michele Schwarzman. But at the AMC films, she said, "we can sit in the theater and nobody will comment."

This story was in the June 6, 2008 Baltimore Sun, you can read the complete article here.

Doctors & Scents

I brought my youngest to the doctor the other day. Her regular physician was not available, so we met with a nurse practitioner. Most everyone at the pediatrician's office knows my daughter, and more importantly, how to make her feel comfortable. This NP, just our luck, was new and one we'd never met. The NP was really sweet, I think she must have gotten a primer on how to approach my daughter by the nurse (I'm not kidding!). I have to say, my little one did great, despite having never met her.

What wasn't so great, was the overpowering smell of the NP's perfume. It was very strong. I will never understand why someone in the field of medicine would wear any scent, or at least not a very strong one. I'm not sick, and it made me feel like I needed to cough.

Now, I will admit, I may be a bit biased to begin with. I have never really enjoyed heavy scents. When I do wear perfume, it is a very light scent. I myself do not wear any perfume or scented lotion if we are headed to a doctor's office.I do this generally because I consider those with asthma and other breathing difficulties, allergies, colds, nausea, etc. who are more than likely sitting in the waiting room. Another reason, is because I consider those who may be extra-sensitive to such smells, like my child.

My daughter is very much affected by smell (a super smeller and taster here!). She will gag in the grocery store, pick up on odors I never even catch, and refuses to sit by us if we are eating certain foods (plain lettuce for one, believe it or not). So, in our home, we've all taken note of that and try our best not to insult her delicate olfactory system. And also, to not be insulted ourselves should she gag or scrunch up her nose at us or our food.

I realize I can't create some bubble around her to prevent her from smelling odors. There's far too many people, food varieties, buses, and so on in this world! I do hope that one day she is able to tolerate at least some of the day to day smells--like various foods. But, it would be nice if those in the medical profession would take into account their patients' needs (and not just my sensory-sensitive kiddo, the patients with the ailments I listed above too). One would think, that those who work in hospitals and doctor's offices, would take that into consideration.

That's just my two scents...